Home

Advertisement

Customize
About this Journal
Current Month
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930
Jun. 26th, 2006 @ 10:20 pm Whoa...Guess what I forgot about until recently...
Yes...its this. One of my coworkers girlfriends was curious about blogs and I remembered that I had one and haven't written in it for over a year or so...Goodness...how time flies. Well, I'm not in school getting a teacher's certificate. I was in for a semester (hated my ed class), and then because I got a promotion at my job, stopped going.

I am no longer subbing at MPS...but I might see if I can squeeze in a day from time to time...might be fun eh?

I am currently workings as Merchandising Supervisor for my local Borders Superstore...and loving it. Granted I work my tuckas off, and I have tons to get done and it never seems as if I have enough time...but I love it. Most of the people I work with are great..the one's who aren't will be perfect fodder for the comic strip I'm planning on doing...or for short stories. Who knows.

Our GM is going to Vegas, which means that there is the potential for moving up the ladder if the Sales Manager moves up to the General Manager spot (GM). I am considering applying even though I haven't been with the company for a year yet ( I do believe september/october will be when I have been there for a year)...but...what the hell. Then I'll have unpaid overtime in which I can get stuff done...so I can come in at 7am work for 2 hours on stuff, then come back for my real shift later on in the day. ...why am I excited about that...dunno...but I'd like it anyways.

Life around the house has been interesting, won't really go into that right now.

Yes...still single..and just loving it *rolls her eyes* but...I work a lot...so I don't have time for it...yeah...that's the ticket! People will believe that right? Right?

Well...for right now...this is all I am going to write...from now on I'm going to be writing a lot, whether it be here or somewhere else.

Have a good Tuesday!
About this Entry
Aug. 13th, 2005 @ 10:09 pm Phrases I have used/seen recently..that amuse me :D
Current Mood: lethargic
"You have great physical powers and an iron constitution" Okay now you have to remember that after you say you're fortune..you have to add the phrase "in bed." or so say all my highschool friends when we went out for chinese...this can make for interesting combinations of things...and great hilarity.

"The chocolates has become more vague in it's demands"-Casey. Alrighty..so if you have ever eaten a Dove "Promise" lately...you'll tend to notice that there are messages on the wrapper. Most of them are quite silly like " Today is a bubblebath day"...but the ones I have been getting are a bit vague..like " Don't think so much about it."...Don't think so much about what? I need to know more...the chocolate wishes to rule my life but it gives me no direction!

" That is just (insert number higher than 2 here) kinds of wrong!" I say this a lot to my students...no really...I do. When they say something or else do something that I find inappropriate..or silly. Like today Strobel showed me her Oscar the Grouch Bra Strap..which I deemed to be at least eight kinds of wrong and that she would be put in my blog in a list of inappropriate things that students do. *laughs*


that's all I have for right now..m'not feeling all that spiffy...laters.
About this Entry
Aug. 12th, 2005 @ 06:35 pm *rubs the back of her neck and smirks as she sits cross-legged on the floor*
Current Mood: amused

So..yeah. Life's been interesting as usual. Though I have to admit some things are a bit better than others.

School..wow...I can't believe that I am going to start school again on September 1st or thereabouts. The joys of "Foundations of Education" and "World Literature". I am going to be stuck in classes with oodles and oodles of Freshman. Just what I need...I wonder how many of them will be kids that I have taught at Mercyhurst...wouldn't that just be creepy *laughs*.

O_O Someone actually reads this damned thing...go figure..and here I thought I was just writing for the benifit of getting this off my mind. Oh well..not that I mind, actually its nice to have people comment on this stuff once in a while.

Grandfather is still unwell and getting more unhappy from time to time, wishing to go home and yelling about it. He doesn't remember our visits and that is getting a bit hard on both me and mum. Though we have to remember that he is going to be 88 come October, so he is old and infirm..but still...his short term memory is rivaling frogs at this point. (A frog forgetting things as soon as s/he blinks.)

Mums..well...tired. Really really tired. I've been doing relativly well from time to time. I had a small tiff with my bunneh and a large fight with wing-nut, but all has been resolved. Last week was just a pain in my ass, this week being much better.

I got new glasses --> And I really like them..they feel and look relatively good..though that picture just is icky.  They are a lot smaller and more "feminine"..which is something I'm going to have to get used to. Femininity is not something that comes naturally to me...though I am getting more and more used to it as time goes on..that and I am forcing myself to be more feminine for college when I start in the Fall...I'd like to obtain a significant other at some point in my life...might as well start now.  Skirts, better fitting shirts..wait a sec...didn't I give this rant earlier? I might have...I never remember quite well..plus I am always thinking on this from time to time...it filters in through all the crap. If I had someone that I could spend some time with away from all this crap it would make things better.

 Actually if I could get away for a week to Park slope or nearby I would be one happy camper...I'd love to go to NYC and blow off some steam..wander around the parks and museums, look up a couple of people I've been wanting to meet etc...and bug the people I know *laughs*.  mmm...plus I could just be away from all this crud...or if I could go down to DC..hang out with John and all them other peoples at the Perk.  Mm..and the subways...either place...I need to ride for a long time..it would much improve my mood it would.

oh well..I should head out..M'going to go and see the Exorcist being performed down at the Roadhouse.should be interesting.

 

About this Entry
Aug. 7th, 2005 @ 12:10 am this happens a lot.
Current Mood: confused
( 20 minute long conversation)

Person: How're you hun?
IamMsTerious: fine.
Person: What's with the roof and such?
IamMsTerious: I was up on my roof.
IamMsTerious: more the porch roof than the upper one.
Person: ... something wrong?
IamMsTerious: =|
IamMsTerious: nope. fine.
Person: Liar.
IamMsTerious: Probably but it is all you are getting. Take it or leave it.
Peson: C'mon.
IamMsTerious: what?
Person: Tell me what's wrong.
IamMsTerious: nothing. I'm fine.
Person: Liar
IamMsTerious: so?
Person: Please, tell me
IamMsTerious: I keep my own counsel, but thank you for asking.
Person: ...
Person: -_-
Person: Stubborn little...
IamMsTerious: *crosses arms and raises an eyebrow*
Person: Meanie.
IamMsTerious: I am not mean because I do not feel like talking about my personal life to everyone who asks. *sighs softly*
Person: I'm just...worried.
IamMsTerious: no need. I am fine.
Person: Liar...
IamMsTerious: *sighs*
IamMsTerious: There is no other option other than me being fine. Therefore.. I. AM. fine. Now drop it.
Person: fine.
IamMsTerious: thank you.
About this Entry
Jul. 31st, 2005 @ 11:50 pm its a list..because I don't feel like explaining everything to death.
Current Mood: aggravated
Dan's home
Brought Jess
Gal with purple/blue/white hair
very good relationship
makes me jealous because I want it
Jess has sexual-desperate male friends
she's going to hook me up *laughs*
Went to Chataqua
Saw Lenny's/Nook-nook's improv group
had dinner at Italian fisherman
went briefly to Barbara Berrys and got some books
IceCream
Pool
Target- Good T-shirts
Coffeeshop
Bubble Tea- creepy consistancy
College
Sonogram-eep
Tim and Matt-house fixage
Lunches
Bagels
Shishkabobs
Chips
Poloroids
Lunch with grandfather
Grandfather much insistance on home going
ramp?
Number of college classes to take?
People..love em or leave em or both?
bunneh??
bunnehness????
Friends.?
uncomplicated relationships requested
annoyance at people doing stupid things
Trying to figure out who I want to be at my new school.
Wondering what to buy that I need.
Hopeing to get back into working at MPS..I miss my kids
need new cd..perhaps coldplay
need someone to hold onto
need someone to hold onto me.
*sighs*
laters.
About this Entry
Jul. 26th, 2005 @ 09:29 pm Quasi-Essays again...deal with it :B Oh..beware...NC-17 material may be presented...ha!
Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Feel Good Inc.- Gorillaz ( and other music on MTV2)

Vanity oh...vanity 

So..I don't have black hair anymore. It took 3.5 hours...but I don't have black hair anymore. It was a long but interesting process. I hate going to new salon like places...I never know what to say and honestly...I am quite shy on occassion. Especially times like that. However after the first hour it was easier. I was half tempted to leave it the stripped color because ( I thought it would be clear...nuuu) it was all colors. I went from a bright (very fake) blondish color into and through the reds then into and through browns till it hit the black at the ends. I was highly amused. Had I more courage I would have just walked out then. However she wanted to even out the color so now I am a medium brown. Michelle ( the gal who did my hair) loves doing corrective coloring...which is good because it took a damn long time @_@ and was slightly expensive. No..I'm not telling you how much but damn...I am never dying my hair black again. Of course I had to choose the black that is the absolute hardest to remove from hair ( Clariol Nice&Easy Blue Black/Black...NEVER DYE YOUR HAIR THIS COLOR unless you intend it to stay that way till you grow it out!). Next time I go she is going to do it a lighter shade and add highlights...then we go from there till I either stop her...or am blonde *shrugs* you neveer know what will happen.

Johnny Knoxville...Damn...who'd've guessed...

So while I am sitting there getting my hair bleached and what not I found an interesting brief interview with Johnny Knoxville. Mind you I've never seen an episode of Jackass, though I have seen clips (its all I can stomach), so I mean I know who he is...just not very well. I do know he is in the remake of "Dukes Of Hazzard" ( Nuu...why...I mean I could have dealt with the Wilson brothers in it..and minus Jessica Simpson(ew)..though I throughly approve of Willy Nelson as Uncle Jesse ^__^) and that is why he was in this magazine. Now remember..a hell of a lot of womens magazines are quite dirty ( depending on what you pick up). Anyways.. So I am reading through this thing about his wife and such and then it goes down to the question " So..we here you like orally pleasuring women...would you give up ( insert desireable item here) for it?" His response " Yes. Hell I'd give up air if I had to and learn to breathe nitrogen." Which left me terribly shocked ( first of all I mean come on...nitrogen? psh...silly boy) because I never expected him, of all people, to enjoy doing that to a girl. I mean really...not that I wouldn't mind that per-se..but the thing is that most guys are probably horribly turned off by it. While I do know that some girls are turned off by orally pleasuring guys ( mind you...I'm not one of those girls...no..don't ask...just consider it part of my oral fixation..and who said those psych classes wouldn't come in handy *laughs*) many do like it. I am just shocked that he said he'd give up stuff to continue doing it..his wife is a very lucky woman. Just goes to show you you can't judge a book by its cover...or its ridiculous and dangerous behavior.

The play-students and otherwise "Traaaaaaaaaadition"

Okay..sooo the play has been reschudled for tomorrow night and thursday night..so I have something to do in the evenings again *chuckles and grimaces at the same time*. The thing is that several of the actors can't be there and they do have important lines. *sighs* But we need to get some money into the boxoffice or else there is the possibility that we will not get paid. I will get paid! I will not let the Schultz stiff us because he is an ass and screwed this all up. Hopefully the school will have power at that time. Like Lenny said " It's the play that just won't die." I feel bad because Jake can't be in the show because his parents are forcing him into basketball camp. Jake's not too keen on that and he told his parents he didn't want to go 3 months ago when they asked him about it..but...they didn't listen. They don't like the fact that he is in theater. Jake is an amazingly talented actor and one of the funniest improv students I had in my classes. If you saw his acting final, you'd agree with me.  Hopefully they will warm to the idea and come and see him in some shows. Otherwise..I will..whatver he is in I will go and see it. Guess I have another kid. Yeesh..no pregnancies for Casey...I don't need them...I have enough kids without it *laughs*. I can't wait to get back to teaching...I miss the little buggers.

Dave Grohl- w00tage music

 Love him...loooooooooove him. Yes..yes I do..because not only is he very nice ( again..magazine article/interview but at least this one is long)...but he is amazingly talented. I mean the guy is in what...4 bands at the very least and does different things in each one. I swear almost every music video has Dave in it...though it should be a requirement...no matter the video..Dave Grohl should just make cameo appearances in all of them. I would kill to see that. I personally love him in Foo Fighters and am going to go out and buy their newest CD...how can you not love the song " Best of You"?? Its amazing, heart wrentching and musically goregous. I hear it comes with an acoustic disc...mmm...dave acoustic *pretends to wipe drool from mouth*. One thing you should know about me is that I prefer to listen to males singing rather than females. I like their voices better..deeper richer sounds...more relaxing *nods*.

Lonliness

Yes..it strikes again...as it always does when people go away. I keep my away message up at these times as well so I don't have to talk to some people. I mean sure..would I like to..sort of..but it is hard to act all so damn frickin' happy most of the time. I save that for real life..the people I have to face day to day. Bunneh has gone away again..with no notice. I just love when that happens...its not his fault..he has a life of his own but I really need someone right now...someone to comfort me in a way. But then again..I don't want that...I don't want to talk about what it going on right now...so I am better off being alone. I don't want to be..but sometimes it is the only recourse. The other problem being that I don't want to burden anyone...because so many of the people I talk to need me as much as..or more than I need them...and I can't let them down. I can't lean on them...when they expect me to be there for them to lean on. Do you see where I have the conundrum...*sighs deeply* doesn't really matter anyways..*wipes her face with the back of her hand* Like Joseph Conrad says "It occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility."

anyways..enjoy your wednesday.

About this Entry
Jul. 25th, 2005 @ 10:02 pm Hmm...quasi-mini-essay like writings on things I have the need/desire to speak upon.
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: The Killers: All these things I have done..

It occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility.
      - Joseph Conrad

Let's see...I have several topics tonight..I will try to keep them consistant and let you know when I switch subjects. Some of these things I have been thinking about for a long time..others just kind of occured to me today. Bear with me...or else..stop reading now. No one ever forces you to read this silly thing..perhaps your curiousity just gets the best of you *cocks her head to one side and peers at you*.  I know not what you think..but hopefully you enjoy it a little..or are at least a bit interested in these things that come from my head, through my fingers and onto this site. *shrugs and straightens a little before sitting tailor fashion on the floor and clearing her throat*

Relationships: Interpersonal, Romantic, and otherwise...

Alrighty..let's see here. I have a hard time forming relationships with people. Shocking I know..but it's true. I think about all of the people I have met online and it seems so easy to fall into a friendship or pattern of behavior with them. Much easier than doing so with another person face to face. I like the slight mysteriousness that the internet brings. Now I don't know if the people are who they really say they are. Justin, Jesse, and Kat..definitly yes. Because I have not only talked to them through text but have sent them mail, talked to them on the phone, and seen them live via webcam. I know they are pretty much who they say they are. Matt...I trust wholeheartedly that he is who he says he is. He wouldn't lie to me..that much I know. And if for some reason he did...I have the feeling I'd know why he felt the need to. Others..well..I have no reason to doubt them so we won't worry about that.

However...despite the fact that I do have friends ( both here and other places) I am still missing ( and yes..still lamenting) that one relationship that I do not have. Yes..that's right...we're back to me semi-bitching about the lack of a romantic relationship. I guess the thing that bothers me is how sometimes...it doesn't bother me that I don't have that in my life. I mean I have bunneh...who is like close to a boyfriend but will never be. "WHY NOT!!??" cried someone the other day when I was talking about it. Well...several reasons..other than distance and me not knowing him as well as someone I would meet face to face...he has other relationships with other people. Yes I mean that probably in the way that you are thinking. He has others...I have just him...and he will never be truly mine. The odd thing is that that doesn't really bother me as much as people think it should. *shrugs and takes a sip of her Diet Cherry Pop, setting it back on the floor next to her left knee* I mean..would I like him to be...I'm not really sure anymore. When it first started...yes...I did. Now..no...I don't think I would. He needs to have a relationship with a girl that is closer to him geographically. Yes..does that mean that I might not have a relationship with him anymore...you bet your ass it does. *looks up at you* And I would be so happy for him because he'd have a girlfriend who could love him and take care of him...that's all I want for him. *smiles* Yeah..even if I wind up getting hurt or upset by it...I guess all that matters is whether or not he is okay.  I have a nasty habit of putting other's happiness above my own...something that someday I'll have to stop but personally..I think it's better for everyone if I stay this way. Is it okay with me? yeah..sure..why not. I mean I've gone on this long like this...a couple more decades can't hurt me.

Last night however is when I really missed/ desired having a romantic relationship..hell even a close friendship with a person of the opposite gender. I really could have used someone to hold onto while the heavens sounded like they were ripped open. We had a massive thunderstorm last night ( over 5k lightening strikes) and its sounded almost as if we were going to have a tornado. I really could have used someone to hang onto..to hold and hold me close so I wouldn't have felt so uneasy. Yes...I'm a big girl but damned if large storms don't get me nervous...so it would have been nice to snuggle up to a nice warm male chest and just be held and hold. Some kind of anchor...that's what I need...an anchor..someone who will always be there for me when I need them and vice versa. Someone who will wrap me in their arms, with love, and hold me tight when I am afraid, or sad or upset, or joyous. Someone who will go out to dinner with me, go to the movies, let me pay at least 1/3 of the times we go out, someone who enjoys the same things that I do, someone who has different opinions and ideas and hobbies from mine, someone who will love me...for me. Someone who won't mind if I am a little incomplete and broken at times. Someone who I can ruffle their hair when they are being odd, or funny or cute and who would do the same to me. Someone I could get into a whipped cream fight with ( spray cans..sounds fun ne?). I need some sort of relationship with physical contact that comes from emotion. I don't want to be hit or anything like that...those kinds of relationships are bad. I just need someone to cling to and who will cling to me...just not all the time..but...I don't know...sometimes it's good...I just need to be needed and want someone to show that too me.

*sneezes*..ugh...anyways..moving on *takes another sip of her pop and sets it back down where she had it before*

If you think sexy...then you are sexy.

If you don't have the body of a stick figure you have probably heard someone say this to you at some point. Or perhaps you have heard it on T.V. or somewhere else. I have heard it tons of time..."Sexy is just a state of mind..if you think sexy..then you are sexy!" I hate to break it to people..but no...that doesn't always work. I mean I wish it did...perhaps then I'd have the solution to the quasi-essay above this one *laughs*.  I've kind of tried it..but its hard because I mean..what do you do? I don't have oddles and oddles of self confidence and for some reason a mantra of " I'm Sexy..." doesn't seem to be possible and how do I keep myself from laughing aloud? I mean really I don't consider myself anywhere near sexy so going around thinking it..would probably make me titter a bit.  I would like to feel sexy...I would like to BE sexy. But I mean seriously folks *motions you closer and places her hand on the side of her mouth, and in a deep stage whisper* I'm not.  Big shocker huh? I was talking to a friend the other day who stated the " if you think sexy...then you'll be sexy"...and I laughed at him. That's right, I laughed. It sounds so easy doesn't it? Perhaps I will try it again..but I don't know if it would work. That's part of my problem right there *points* Too many buts...too many doubts. I mean if I could securely believe that in some way I was sexy..then it wouldn't be too hard. I've never been really desired by a male other than probably Matt Pederson ( ugh) and Bunneh..which I'm still not all that sure why..I mean I have a nice chest size..*shrugs*. Perhaps once I get back to school I will have something to look forward to...perhaps meeting someone nice in my lit class. *raises her eyebrows suggestivly before breaking into a quiet laugh* Ah..I kill me. 

Mum says I should remember some of the people we know like Nicole B. who is bigger than me and is married to Mike M. and they are quite happy. Mike is a cute, thin, nice guy. So...it is possible.  Whether or not it is probably for me is a whole other story.

 

Hnn..well...I forgot what else I was going to say..the other topics have fled for now...will try again tomorrow..perhaps I will have some new stuff to yammer on about. Enjoy  your tuesday.

About this Entry
Jul. 24th, 2005 @ 08:58 pm Taken from Kim's...and then a couple of others I found on the sight. HOO HA!
Current Mood: worried
Current Music: Channel 139..huh..weird new station =3

You are happy, driven, and status conscious.
You want everyone to know how successful you are.
Very logical, you see life as a game of strategy.

A bit of a loner, you prefer to depend on yourself.
You always keep your cool and your composure.
You are a born leader and business person.


mm...I don't think I am really status consices..but some of that I agree with.


You are sexy, powerful, and bold.
You're full of passion and energy...
Sometimes this passion has a dark side.

You feel most alive when you're seducing someone.
You never fail to get someone's attention.
Quick minded, you're also quick to lose your temper!


O_O;; *blushes* uhm...uhmm...no...*laughs* so wrong...I think..


You are nurturing, kind, and lucky.
Like mother nature, you want to help everyone.
You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive.

A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker.
You are good natured and people enjoy your company.
You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.


Yes..now this is one I really agree with...*grins* That's pretty much me..perhaps with a little bit of the other two mixed in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!


*laughs* exactly ^_^

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Genius Warrior.

Where You Lived: Siberia.

How You Died: Natural causes.

Huh...go figure ^^

Your Hidden Talent
Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.
You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.
Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.
People crave your praise and complements.


well..duh ^_^
About this Entry
Jul. 23rd, 2005 @ 09:18 pm o_O;; Whooops...I knew I was forgetting to do something...heh...heh...*cough*
Current Mood: contemplative and such
Current Music: Muse: Sing for Absolution...
*leans against the wall and slides down until she is sitting comfortably on the floor, her legs casually crossed. She runs a hand through her hair and peers up at you through her bangs..reminicent of Mitch Headburg*

Lots has gone on since I last posted here and I'm not going to talk about all of it. Most things you don't even need to know because they are either non-important or else personal and I don't feel like talking about it to you. Its not that I don't want people to know...though there are somethings that yeah...of course I don't want other people to know about..say my relationship with bunneh or whatever. Its my personal thing despite how many people want to know about him. Yes..its a him. No..we are not dating. Why do I call him "bunneh"? Because he asked me to and its cute. There's actually a long and funny story behind that but you know I'm not going to tell you. Even if you ask me directly *smiles*. I know...I've piqued your curiosity and you really want to know..but..heh..deal with not knowing. Sometimes a little mystery in your life is good for you.

Play is going/went well. Still going on though tonight we had to cancel it because there was no electricity and it might not be back on for tomorrow..so I don't know what we are going to do. So I got to stand in the parking lot for about 3 hours telling people what was going on and to go away. Peelman wound up giving me a bright orange flag dealie to wave which, surprisingly, did not stop many people from driving down to the school. There I am standing pretty much in the middle of the parking lot street waving a bright orange flag and STILL I almost get run down about 5 times. It's really very hard to miss me too...I'm not a waif of a girl. Yeesh..it just goes to show you how much people pay attention to what is going on around them.

Last night my mum and my Nana came to see the show and one of the teachers came up and was congradulating my mom on what a good job she did with the costumes..My mum was like "Uh..." so I said " Mrs. Pirrello...I did the costumes" which is true..because I did. HA! She was kind of surprised but gave me the same compliment. Actually its an even bigger complement to me because it means I can sort of costume as well as my mum..and she is absolutly amazing. I mean if I could do half of what she can do I'd be happy. Kitty Harrington, the children's librarian at the Blasco Library in Erie ( also someone I met back in my HOB! days,) was at the show too and still remembered who I was. I was shocked...I never expect to be remembered by anyone..despite the fact that many do. Odd. Anyways I told her what I was up to and she was pleased that I had gotten out of HOB! its not that Dr. S is a problem..but sometimes her behavior is hard to deal with. Kitty said I deserved a medal *laughs*..ah...I did though *grins*. She was impressed with what I was up to since then and wished me luck. We talked about one of the kids in the play and I got to meet her mom and such. It was a good night.

Matt still has most of the control over when I sleep...at least during the day. He keeps wanting me to take naps. Oy..I try to resist most days but sometimes its hard too. I mean..how can you say no when they say something like " I love you and want you to get the rest you deserve" after you ask them why you need to go to sleep. Dirty pool..I tells ya...dirty pool. *smiles* He's a good guy though..so I don't mind listening to what he tells me to do every once in a while. Oh and since you are curious people... yes I do love him..then again I love all my friends. How many times do I have to give the "Agape and Platonic love is still love and it's good to say "I love you" to your friends when and if you want to" Speech? Hopefully never. I hate making speeches *laughs*. Ah..anyhoo...at least I get to talk to him most every nights...I try to get on no matter what..sometimes he can't and although I do worry a bit..he's a grown up so I assume he is doing something fun or productive..or sleeping. I want him to sleep well ^_^

*grabs a glass bottle of gingerale out of her messanger bag and opens it, swigging down half of it before setting it down next to her* Ahh...better *clears her throat*

So lets see...what else. I have wound up talking with Drew a few times. He's a nice young man and seems to be good for Kim. I just kind of keep him occupied or help him with minor things when she is not around..otherwise I kind of slip back into the shadows if those two don't need something dire. Its kinda easier and I hate to interupt or be a bother. so *shrugs* meh.

Justin is on vacation at Kat's so I won't be able to talk to him this week. Which is good..the boy needs a vacation and a break away from all that's gone on. But bad..because I talk to him every night and I hate missing that...tis weird not to talk to him for such a long time. I am probably the person he talks to the most about things ( much to the demi-annoyance of Kat and Kim and probably several others who don't know about me). It's not me, per-se, its the fact that he doesn't talk as much to them. I don't know why he talks to me more than others...many people do *shrugs and sighs softly*. Hopefully the others don't get too upset with that..I don't want to be a source of consternation for others. That and I hate being a bother...its just a thing I have. Wait...why am I justifiying this...I shouldn't have to. I mean if you have a problem with him not talking to you..take it up with him...not me. Yea I can tell you what he's up to but you know what...I don't like having to be a go between. I've done that before in situations with him between others and with other people in general. I don't like it..so...I'm not going to.

My brother just got back from being in France(Paris and Lyons)where he gave talk at one of the univerisites in Lyons about the sodium project ( the smaller one). He actually wrote the paper in France because he was still finishing up collecting data while in the states. I wound up talking to him the night before he presented and such. I love IMing for that reason...no matter where you are..if you have internet access and a computer..you can talk to anyone. It's one of the best inventions ever really...I mean sure..phones are nice too..but I like text better for some darned reason.

*opens the bottle of gingerale and takes another deep swig of it, smiling*

I love glass bottles *holds it up and looks at it* I mean really love them..they feel cool against your lips and look interesting. That's why I love Voss brand water..not only because it is Norwegian well water( mmm well water) but because it is in a large cylindrical glass bottle *sips her gingerale and closes it again, setting it back down on the floor but resting her hand on the top of it* Glass..it just...doesn't make things taste odd the way that aluminum cans and plastic can do to somethings. *shrugs* I guess I am just a little odd like that.

Fruit has been rather good this year...though we haven't had many local strawberries..and I miss that..I love Rodoff's strawberries but I have to wait till August..perhaps I will go and pick them myself *laughs* Justin for some reason thinks that that would be fun. Personally I just like to pick up a peck of berries at the stand..no effort required *giggles*. I wish that my friends lived a little closer..at least the ones whom I've talked to on the interweb. But then again..I'm kind of glad they don't..there are some people I wouldn't want just dropping by..acutally..I'd want warning if anyone was going to come to erie. Hotels here are pretty cheap so that's good..but I'd want to know a head of time so I could do cleansing of my room and such..etc. Eh..extrememly moot point anyways.

Moot...I love this word. It means unimportant...and I like to sometimes use it to describe myself because sometimes..I feel moot. *chuckles* I get yelled at by some of the guys online for saying that. " YOU ARE NOT MOOT >:|" but yeah..I am from time to time. I kind of just wait on the sidelines until someone needs me ...otherwise I feel slightly useless. *sips on her gingerale again* Then again I guess everyone does from time to time. Nothing special about my situation. *looks over at you and raises her bottle* To life..l'chaim. *sips and starts laughing quietly to herself*

*looks over at the clock* well...I guess that is enough for now. Perhaps I will get back into the groove of writing in this more...don't count on it though...I don't promise a thing.

Enjoy the rest of your Saturday and have a good Sunday.
About this Entry
Jul. 5th, 2005 @ 09:45 pm stolen from zach <<;;
Current Mood: confused
You scored as Charity. Charity- with you is the love that lifts the spirits of the world.

</td>

Charity

86%

Prudence

64%

Justice

64%

Temperance

64%

Fortitude

50%

Faith

50%

Hope

46%

The Seven Heavenly Virtues
created with QuizFarm.com
About this Entry
Jun. 22nd, 2005 @ 12:34 pm stolen from kim >_> <_<;;;;;
Current Mood: content
form action='http://memegen.net/viewmeme.pl?meme=1074732791' method='POST'>
How you really say "I love you." by lenatheraven
Name<input ... >
...believe in true love?<select ... ><option ... >yes<option ... >no<option ... >I wish I did<option ... >I wish I didn't<option ... >most definitely<option ... >not until someone proved it to me</select>
Your hands sayWith me, you'll never be lost.
Your eyes sayYou're amazing.
Your hugs sayI promise I will try to keep you safe.
Your kisses sayI am addicted to you.
Your body saysI just want to hold you.
Your heart saysIch liebe dich.
<input ... >
Quiz created with MemeGen!
<input ... ><input ... ></form>

woo german..woo *chuckles* Actually this makes sense ^^;; at least to me =B
About this Entry
Jun. 17th, 2005 @ 11:03 pm Untitled Story...eh..its something to keep me busy...
Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: Keane CD: Hopes and Fears
Setting/Background information:
A beautiful log cabin in Montana; state-of-the-art and rather secluded/ She lives alone. Her home is near a mountainous region where people love to hike and camp. She works from home writing relatively popular horror novels, many of which have been made into award-winning films. She occasionally leaves on a vacation or book tour to NYC, DC, or various cities in Europe but never leaves for a long time because she loves her home and the peace she feels in the house.

Her house is eclectically furnished with her grandparents’ electric blue couch as the centerpiece in her living room. There are several extra bedrooms on the first and second floor when people come to visit. Her room has one of the best views and a private master bathroom with a large tub and shower. Though she has no pets she keeps around cat and dog food incase a stray shows up at her door, she's used to it...her confirmation name wasn't Francis for nothing. Animals had always seemed to get along with her and not be frightened...she could get relatively close to the wildlife (deer, rabbits, birds and such) but not touch them because they were still skittish. She would croon to them in a low calm voice to put them at ease as she set out apples and other treats for them in the evenings. She had seen foxes dart across her yard on calm evenings but never any predators larger than that.

She had heard stories of a wolf pack that roamed the mountainside and on nights of the full moon could hear them baying...it was kind of a comfort and a pleasure to stay up and listen to them. She always had thought of them as majestic creatures but had never gotten a chance to see any of them. Hunters had set out traps and if she would go walking in the woods close to her home and found any she would disengage them with large branches, so no one would get hurt. She couldn't understand why anyone would want to hurt the wolves or the other creatures that lived in the forest.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 1
She woke up that morning as usual...gripping her pillow and imagining that it was a man she was clinging to, whose arms were wrapped lovingly around her. She opened her eyes, and as usual, was disappointed to find it was still just a pillow. She stretched and padded out of her bed to the bathroom.
"I really need to get out more", she mutters to herself as she steps into the shower. She sighs softly and lets the water run on her head and back, soothing her before grabbing her peppermint soap which always wakes her up. She showers quickly, dresses in her usual outfit of comfortable jeans and a nice t-shirt, and wanders downstairs to get breakfast ready. She grabs a bag of apples and oranges from the fridge and seeds from behind the pantry and goes out into the yard. She splits the oranges and puts them on the hangers near the birdfeeders for the flocks of orioles that have been seen nearby, and fills the feeders. She tosses the apples into the woods for the deer and other wildlife and starts heading back to the house.

A pitiful cry from behind her causes her to turn sharply. She hears it again followed by a fierce growling. Something got caught in one of the traps...I thought I disengaged them all last week... she thinks to herself and runs towards the woods. Ignoring her body’s reaction to the low fierce cries she runs towards the sound and stops dead in her tracks. Before her on the path is a large jet-black wolf with bright yellow eyes...he growls at the trap and whines as the pain courses through him. She sees that his foreleg is horribly caught and he is almost ready to start gnawing it off in order to be rid of the pain and the trap.

"Whoa...whoa big fella...shhhhhh...I'm here to help you" she says as she takes a cautious step forward. He begins to growl louder and bares his teeth at her, letting her know he was still a wild animal. She crooned softly to him...starting to sing "Hey Jude" in a very low tone...trying to get him to concentrate on her.

"I'm not going to hurt you...but you need help...you know that don't you?" she looks at him plaintively and continues humming softly...hoping somehow the noise would soothe him enough to let her help him. The wolf glared at her with a wild intelligence deep in those eyes and seemed to calm a bit. He chuffed quietly and bowed his head towards her, almost in a slight surrender as if he knew she was the only one able to help.

"Good boy… goood...shhhh...now this is going to hurt a little...please don't hurt me...I know you will be in pain but we need to get this off first..." she speaks in low tones as she goes to the trap and pries it open. The wolf regards her with a startled look; as if he is surprised a female human could be so strong. She smirks at him, " I'm strong...it helps sometimes.” She pauses."Wait...why am I explaining things to you...you're just an animal" The wolf growls softly in his throat, a noise that sounded to her as if he was upset because she had offended him and his status. Her eyes widen and she crouches down before him, holding out her hand.

"I'm sorry..."she smirks to herself "I didn't mean any harm. We need to get that bandaged and you some food and rest...may I pick you up and take you back to the house...or can you make it on your own?" She couldn't believe the words pouring out of her mouth. She was talking to this wild creature as if it was a friend and could completely understand her...maybe he could because as she spoke his head cocked to one side as if listening carefully. He stood slowly and limped forward a bit, nudging her leg. It took all of her control not to bolt...this was after all a huge male wolf...not something to tangle with...but he seemed amiable...perhaps he was really someone's pet.

She walked slowly back towards the house, the hurt wolf padding at her side quietly. She felt like talking to it but decided to stay in silence; you could always tell a lot about a person when there were lapses in silence. The wolf didn't seem to mind and limped towards the house keeping in step with her. She walked up onto the porch and held the door open to him, he limped inside and jumped up on the blue couch, wincing and howling softly when he hit is hurt paw against it. She reached out her hand and stroked his head to soothe him and he growled low in his throat at her.

"Hey...its my house…my couch. Be nice", she said sternly and reached towards his head again. He sat silently staring at her with that fierce intelligence as she rested her hand on his head and began scratching lightly right behind his ears. Involuntarily his tongue lolled out and his tail started thumping on the couch. "Like that huh?" she says grinning and pats him softly "Let's get that foot taken care of, then we'll get you some breakfast" She goes off into the bathroom and gets her emergency kit and brings it back to the living room.

“You need a name…I can’t just call you “the wolf”…hmm…” she sits down on the floor and carefully peroxides the wound as she thinks of a name. The wolf winces as the peroxide tingles at his flesh, cleaning the wound. “Remus…” she says looking up and him and smiling, “that’s your name…Remus.” The wolf stares at her and moves his head closer to hers.

She pulls back a little. “What…it’s a good name…a friend of mine a few years ago suggested that if I ever got a dog, that I should name him Remus. And you are the closest thing I’ve ever had to having a dog so. Oh… I’m sorry…heh… I forgot to tell you, my name is Casey.” She carefully applies an antiseptic ointment to the wound and slowly bandages it, careful not to cause him too much pain, as she talks to him. She puts the supplies back in the kit and looks back up, deep into his yellow eyes and feels slightly embarrassed. The wolf stared back at her with a look of almost confusion and love. She laughs to herself quietly, realizing that she had been spending way too much time alone. She scratches his head again and then stands up, but not before he licks her cheek and woofs softly.

“Well…you’re welcome” she blushes slightly, “Are you hungry?” He woofs again and dips his head as if nodding yes. She grins and goes into the kitchen and roots through her fridge, looking for the filet mignon she was going to cook up for dinner and carefully places it in the oven. “ I hope you don’t mind me cooking it a bit…I assume you like rare?” She laughs to herself but stops when the wolf woofs several times, sounding like he was laughing himself.
“Remus…are you a trained wolf?” She cocks her head to one side and stares at him on the couch. “ You certainly don’t seem to be completely wild and you understand what I am saying don’t you?” Remus woofs again and dips his head a few times, nodding. Her eyes widen and she gasps.

“Hoooookay…well…this is new….” She turns back to the oven and takes out the filets, a little brown but cooked enough to get rid of bacteria. She carefully slices it up and reaches for a bowl, her fingers touching a silver one, and then pulling back quickly. She laughs to herself again. “ I shouldn’t use a silver dish…just on the offhand chance you are a werewolf”, she says, her back still turned. Remus howls softly and she turns to him.

“I know you are hungry…just a second love.” She places the filets in a large blue bowl and carries it over to the couch. “Here.” She puts the bowl in front of Remus and strokes his head softly then pulls her hand back, knowing how possessive animals are of their food. She goes over to the large green leafed chair and sits cross-legged, watching him…well “wolf” down the food. She grins at the pun and smiles. A wolf…is sitting on my couch…well...I guess I did need some sort of company, she thinks to herself.

He finishes and she goes to the kitchen again and brings back another bowl, full of fresh water. “Here Remus…you must be thirsty too” she strokes his head and puts the bowl next to the other one. “I need to go and do some work around the house…you can just rest here.” She strokes his head as he begins to gently lap at the water, then Remus carefully licks her fingers and woofs softly.
“I’ll take that as a sign you’ll be okay”, she smiles at him and wanders upstairs to tidy her room and collect her laundry.

She changes her sheets and gathers everything up in a large laundry basket. She goes downstairs and puts stuff into the washer, looking outside and putting more bedding in so she can dry it out on the line. She hums softly as she works, retting up the house then bringing her laptop into the living room and sitting down on the floor. She checks her email and sends a few out, then goes back to the laundry room and switches half of it to the dryer; the other half she takes outside and hangs it out on the line to dry in the fresh air. She likes sleeping on blankets that have been dried outside…they smell clean and woodsy. As she walks back into the house she strokes Remus’ head and grins as his large tail thumps against the cushions.

The day wears on and she is more productive than usual, getting things done that she had been putting off for days. Occasionally stopping to make sure Remus was comfortable she then gets food ready for their supper; chicken, rice, and broccoli. She carefully cuts up the chicken and slides it into his bowl, then sits down on the floor near him as she eats hers and watches the news. He finishes quickly and whines over her shoulder, looking hungrily down at her chicken. She smirks, holds up a piece for him, Remus gently grabs it with his teeth, and tugs it away from her. She giggles softly as his tongue licks her fingers and he whines for more.

“Okay…okay I get it…you’re starving." She stands up and takes his bowl out to the kitchen, cutting up the rest of the chicken and placing the bowl back in front of him. She takes her plate and washes it, then goes back and grabs his bowl when she sees that he is finished and washes that too. She stretches a bit then sits down on the other side of the couch. Remus woofs softly and turns around so he is facing her. She smiles and looks deeply into his yellow eyes, still unnerved by the strong intelligence she sees inside them. He scootches forward carefully and rests his head on her lap.

Casey’s eyes widen and her body tenses nervously, after all despite his intelligence he was still a wild animal. She carefully lowers her hand to the scruff of his neck and scratches him softly, knowing he likes it by the steady thump of his tail against the couch. She turns the channel and finds a movie she hadn’t seen in years, The Tenth Kingdom. She grins and continues petting Remus as the movie goes on, and he falls asleep after a while, his head and paws still on her lap. She sighs softly and realizes she probably isn’t going to be able to move to her bedroom this evening. Casey pats Remus on the head and then watches most of the movie, but falls asleep an hour before it ends. Her dreams were strange and disconnected, dreaming about wolves and men, bounding across large fields and feeling pure joy and freedom.

CHAPTER 2
The early dawn rays creep through the large bay window in the living room and wake her up with the warmth and light they bring. She stretches, yawns and rubs her eyes, then lowers her hand to stroke Remus’ head. She smiles when she touches the shaggy head, then looks down at him to see if he’s still asleep. As she looks down, and her eyes adjust she realizes that it is not a wolf resting its head on her lap but a man…a very naked man. Her pulse races and she licks her suddenly dry lips as she pokes the man in the shoulder. He yawns and looks up at her, grinning. “ ’lo...” he says roughly.

“Uh…umm…heh…hello yourself…WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!!!!!” She raises her voice and moves away from him quickly, backing against the wall and trying hard to avoid looking at his nakedness.

“ Remus…REMUS…where are you?” Her eyes search around the room for the wolf that was with her last night.

“Here” the man says softly, his voice rough, as he grabs the afghan across the back of the couch and places it over his lap.

“What?”

“I’m right here…would you please stop screaming?” He looks down at his bandaged arm and sniffs it.

“Www ... What?” she says as she stares at the man on her couch. He was absolutely gorgeous with long dark hair and bright yellow eyes. Wait a second she thought…Yellow eyes? She takes a step forward and looks deeply into his eyes. ”R...Remus?” He nods slowly and grins, showing his still very sharp teeth. She slumps down onto the floor and puts her head in her hands feeling a little lightheaded. He rushes over to her and bends his head down to peer at her, sniffing at her trying to get a read on how she is.

“Casey…?” he says her name softly that causes a shiver to run down her spine. No one had ever said her name quite like that. She looks up and comes face to face with him and her voice stops working. His eyes were so intense and full of concern just for her. She wasn’t used to this sort of attention from a gorgeous man and just blinked, her lips opening a little as she tries to draw a breath. He leans in a bit further, staring deeply into her leaf green eyes, mesmerized and brushes his lips against hers. Both their eyes widen at the sensation and he pulls back quickly. She continues to stare at him, her gaze sliding from his head down to his powerful chest then on down to legs, because the afghan stayed on the couch while he moved.

His cheeks burn as he notices her looking at him, with a hunger in her eyes that was unexpected but very stimulating. He raises an eyebrow as he feels a stirring in his loins and quickly clasps his hands over himself and blushes deeply.

The tip of her tongue flicks out and licks her upper lip as a soft whimper escapes from her throat. Good God…Casey get a hold of yourself…he’s just a man…a very handsome very naked man…who’s in your house…and is getting…. Her brain trails off and she shakes her head violently then stands up, avoiding looking at him.

“We need to find you some clothes…pronto” she says quickly and runs upstairs to one of the guest rooms her brother had stayed in recently. She goes through drawers and looks for leftover clothes that probably would fit him.

“Aha…” she yells down to him as she grabs a pair of boxers, jeans, and an old band t-shirt. She runs back downstairs and stands in the doorway, her eyes averted as she sticks her arm into the room holding the clothes. “Here…put these on…please,” she says softly. He gets up off the floor and strides towards her, his left hand covering himself as he uses his right to grab the clothes.

“...Thanks,” he says softly. She walks back towards the hallway and down to her office. “I’m going to check my email…you can go take a shower. Its upstairs and the first door on your right,” she says with her back turned. He steps up behind her and runs the back of his hand against her hair. He smiles at its softness and reaches up to do it again, but she steps away quickly. His brow furrows and heads upstairs, sighing softly and feeling like he has screwed everything up.

She shuts the door to her office and waits for the water to start running before she lets out a deep breath. Her cheeks are flushed and her pulse races from his gentle touch. She walks towards her desk and checks her email, sends out a few and checks her brother’s website to see what he is up to. She hears a light knock at the door and goes to open it, her hand almost to the knob when the door swings open and he stands there, his hair dripping wet but at least now he was wearing clothes. He grinned his “wolfish” grin at her again and shook his head lightly, spraying her with drops of cool water.

“Aigh…” she holds her hands up to block some of it, but gets damp and sighs. “I take it you’d like some breakfast” she says and starts to head out the door but he blocks it with his solid form. She looks up at him and realizes he is at least 6 inches taller than her.

“If you’re hungry…I need to get to the kitchen,” she says as she stares up at him. He tips his gaze down at her and continues to smile, the back of his hand stroking against her arm then gently against her cheek. She begins to pull back but as she looks into his eyes she senses a deep sadness and stands still. She reaches up her hand and grabs his, taking it from her face and squeezes it softly.

“Its okay…I won’t hurt you” he says softly. She looks down to the floor, then back up at him, her fingers lacing in between his. “Well that’s good,” she says with a lilt to her voice “ otherwise you won’t get any breakfast.” She smiles up at him then lightly pushes him back so she can get out the door. Casey starts to moves her hand away from his, but he squeezes it and follows behind her. She continues to grin to herself, hoping he doesn’t notice as they move into the kitchen. She reaches for the fridge, and wiggles her hand.

“You need to let go.”

“Why?”

“ Well…because I’d like to be able to cook you something before you go.”

“Go…?” His brow furrows and his voice takes on a note of that deep sadness she saw in his eyes.

“Well…yes,” Casey says as she turns to face him “I assume you’ll be going back wherever you came from.” He stares at her silently and lowers his head, slipping his hand from hers.

“You...don’t want me here? Don’t you like me,” he says quietly as he moves his head back up to look at her, sheen of tears in his eyes. Her breath catches as she realizes he is on the verge of crying and squeezes his hand, still intertwined with hers.

“I don’t know you,” she says as she looks into his eyes “but if you don’t want to leave…you can stay for a few days. I have a couple of extra rooms.” His hand squeezes back as he gives her another “wolfish” grin.

“What’s for breakfast,” he says. Casey smirks and shakes her head.

~~~ end chapter 2..at least for now. Story and Idea belong to Kathleen C. Zimmerman ( Casey/K.C.) please do not take any part of it, quote it etc without express permission from the author. Thank you. More will come later I hope =D~~~~
About this Entry
Jun. 17th, 2005 @ 04:03 pm bad caseh..bad bad caseh >>;
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Keane " She Says She Has No Time"
okay..I have to apologize...because I have been a little harsh on Justin and Bunneh =/.

I didn't mean to say they didn't care about what was going on. But like with Justin...he had his own things to deal with, what with the thing between him and Jared and such. He has had a lot on his mind and doesn't need to remember all the stuff that is going on in my life. He doesn't have to deal with it either and I kind of shied away from him and Bunneh because I don't like to burden them with it. I guess its alright to...I mean I should...I shouldn't just push them away when they want to help =/.

And so...Justin, I'm sorry if I pushed you away and made it seem like you didn't give a damn about me. I know that's not true...its just that day...I was upset and didn't do too well.

Bunneh. I'm sorry as well...you know how much you mean to me..I shouldn't have acted that way =/ It's just difficult...

bah..I feel bad because I know I hurt they're feelings u_u;; geh...I am not a good person...I don't know why people think I always am. Hopefully I can be forgiven...and perhaps we can start over? make things good?...Justin is going to be gone for the next few days so I won't get to talk to him...*shrugs a little* geh. *rubs her forhead*

I've been thinking lately about things I want to happen. I think the only one that I really need right now is being curled up on the bed with a friend( such as Bunneh or any current male friend...sorry girls..it'd be creepy if it were one of you >>;;), perhaps my head upon his chest listening to his heart and both of us falling asleep...doesn't that sound nice and relaxing?..to me it does...something that would calm my nerves and make me feel a lot more comfortable. It would also help my stress level which is high..we'll see what goes on next week and such and I'll be more informed about what's going on. Huzzah for more information.
About this Entry
Jun. 15th, 2005 @ 09:36 am *yawns and rubs her forhead as she slumps down onto the couch and looks up at you while she speaks*
Current Mood: content
Tired...I don't know if I've ever been this tired in a long long time...well..admitedly I have been. I haven't been sleeping well for the past few months or so but last night...I slept quite well. I guess all the stuff that has been going on plus getting to bed later than I should has been adding to all of that. Not to mention all the stress that is going on what with family being sick and all. Blargh.

As I have said before I don't really rely on people to be there for me/give comfort/remember what's going on/so on and so forth. However there are a few people that do to a certain degree (mainly Justin and Kim)and sometimes they, he more than she, doesn't remember stuff or will talk about things other than the problem. Which actually is fine with me. Though Monday I could have used a teensy bit more from Wing-nut...but he wanted to talk about this dream and so on and so forth so I just let him. No point in shoving my problems in the way, I shall just set them on the back burner where they should be. Heh...this is the way it works.

However...HOWEVER...there is one person who consistantly gives a damn and is willing to be there for me. He just sits and listens to me, lets me talk, gives me a hug sometimes, let's me listen to him and such, trusts in me, gives comfort and support, and I feel really safe around him. When I got on on Monday...his first response was "*hugs* How'd it go" while compare that to wingnuts 20 minute talk about sensual dreams about Eliza dushku. Even bunneh didn't show that amount of caring and tenderness. I was amazed...I am not used to that sort of response to me and was a little in shock..because I knew he gave a damn about me. He didn't talk about himself until I asked him questions about how he was doing and how his day was. He's been trying to convince me to get some sleepaid pills so I can get a good nights rest and I have been resisting it. That and going to bed early and such...I had too much stuff I needed to get done. Last night...I finally caved and got some sleeping tabs and went to bed early at his request...I did try to argue a little but failed as usual. He was pleased...which I thought was amusing. He's a good guy and its nice to have a friend care that much about you. I wound up, when I went upstairs, looking for a snowleopard plush animal to snuggle with.

What? A stuffed animal? yes..yes...I know I am 24 but the thing is I need something to hold onto at night...like a pillow or a wad of blankets, hopefully at some point another person >>;. Last night however me and him were talking about snowleopards and so I went and found mine which was packed away and snuggled into bed with it and waited for the pill to work it's magic. I fell asleep quite quickly, woke up around 3:30 or so am, then went right back to sleep. I woke up at 6:30 when my alarm went off and got up...feeling a little groggy but otherwise pretty good. This is the first night in over 2 months that I have slept pretty much the entire night. Hopefully I can go a full night without waking at all...that being my current sleep goal. Also my sheets weren't too flailed around so I know I was relatively unrestless as well...which can take a lot out of you. I am still a little drowsy and could go right back to sleep but I need to stay awake so I can go to bed again tonight. I think I will probably head in early...or be forced to *laughs*. I tell him not to worry about me but he does...that's nice ^^;...amazingly nice...heh. *smiles softly* And he knows I give a damn about him too...that I don't just sit there unactive during our converstations but care and worry and such for him as well. Huzzah for 2-way relationships n_n.

Mmm...*smiles again* anyhoo...that's whats been going on. Casey is very stressed, doing some doodles, loooking for a job, doing tons of other stuff as well....c'est la vie.

Enjoy your day...get in a nap if you need it.
About this Entry
Jun. 3rd, 2005 @ 10:21 am Quizzes n_n;;
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: American Baby- Dave Matthews Band

Your #1 Love Type: INFP

The Idealist

In love, you crave a long term, harmonious relationship.
For you, sex doesn't come quickly - it takes time for you to open up.

Overall, you are supportive, nurturing, and expressive.
However, you tend to be shy and protective of your personal space.

Best matches: ENFJ and ESFJ

Your #2 Love Type: INTP

The Thinker

In love, you are honest and serious about commitment.
For you, sex is something you think about and desire a lot of the time.

Overall, you are pure in your affection and feelings.
However, you tend to be suspicious and distrusting at times.

Best matches: ENTJ and ESTJ



huh....interesting =B



Star Wars Horoscope for Aquarius




You can be cruel and torment people who disagree with you.
Deep down, there is a peace-loving, friendly side to you.
You have a knack for inflicting pain on people and use your intellect during battle.

Star wars character you are most like: Darth Vader


YAY *does happy little dance and points at it* SEEE..SEE I'm not totally good.


What You Really Think Of Your Friends



Justin is your soulmate.
You truly love Matt.
You consider Kim your true friend.
You know that Jesse is always thinking of you.
You'll remember Kate for the rest of your life.
You secretly think Matt is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.
You secretly think that Justin is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.
You secretly think that Bunneh is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Bunneh changes lovers faster than underwear.
You secretly think Kat is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Kat has a hidden internet romance.



well isn't that interesting o_o;...most of those I agree with in some form or another..heh. Justin is my soulmate...the hell O-o


Your Birthdate: February 11

Your birth on the 11th day of the month makes you something of a dreamer and an idealist.

You work well with people because you know how to use persuasion rather than force.

There is a strong spiritual side to your nature, and you may have intuitive qualities inherent in your make up, too.



You are very aware and sensitive, though often temperamental.

Although you have a good mind and you are very analytical, you may not be comfortable in the business world.

You are definitely creative and this influence tends to make you more of a dreamer than a doer.



o_O...well....can't argue with that ^_^
About this Entry
Jun. 1st, 2005 @ 10:43 am heh heh...heh.
Current Mood: aggravated
Random Comic Generator v2.0 by Delya
Nickname
Paper or plastic?
panel 1
panel 2
panel 3
Quiz created with MemeGen!
About this Entry
May. 26th, 2005 @ 10:43 pm =D I didn't want this to happen...wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Grave Digger- Dave Matthews
@__@

Oh lord...see...now neither of us wanted this *rubs forehead and sighs* but it happened. Now..to end it =D

I think part of the problem is that Kim and I are very much alike and both have strong personalites that are apparently clashing at the moment. I don't like that =B...so yeah.

I put up a really good front with a lot of things luv. And my version of a self image involves what has happened to me, things about me, etc. If I base myself on the opinion of others...heh... in the eyes of some I am close to God. (No Blasphemy intended xD)I have a very humble opinion of myself and like it that way. Some would say I am self-depricating and sometimes I freely admit I am.

You are right..people don't always think like you do...then again most people don't think like I do either...which is such a shame *giggles*

Kim ya didn't stress me out more. *pat pat* no worries. I r fine =B

Hokay no more of this @__@
THE END FINIIIIIIIIIIITO Fin Happy traiiiiiiiiiils to you...until we meet again *giggles*

Everything on my end is just peachy...now chill @_@;::
About this Entry
May. 26th, 2005 @ 10:08 am oh for the love of mike *rubs forhead*
Current Mood: curious
Current Music: Maury Show: Opposites attract...I want a Manuel @_@;;
I love how I can't make statments without them being disputed =D

Excuse this for sounding a bit more harsh than I usually am but I am under a teensy bit of stress and it keeps getting piled on...control over the more unplesant emotions goes down a bit.

What I talked about in my journal was based off reading Kim's things and her talking to me. The thing is...I don't assume she just wants sex or that the boys who asked her out were serious or not. It was a statement of what's happened to me and MY OWN PERSONAL feelings on that issue.

As far as "not being strong enough"...oh...ya touched a huge nerve there Kim. You have absolutly no clue what happened to me in gradeschool I talk about it vaguely because I try very hard not to remember the hell I was put through for 6 years. DO you think I just let it happen? That I deserved it or something because I didn't have "charisma"? right..Heh I know that's not what you mean so no worries.

But when at the age of 6 you decide that one of these days you are just going to step out into the road and get hit by a semi barreling down the street because that wouldn't hurt as much and you are just a piece of worthless trash...its bad. At that time in my life, I was not defeneded by adults. I knew what was going on...I was a very bright young child but day after day to have essentially the entire grade mock you..drag you down and esentially shit on you everyday for 6 years. Heh...You start to believe you are what they say. Should I have gotten out of there? Yes. Why didn't I? Because I knew it would get worse somewhere else..and knew that I was strong enough to get through the stuff there because I knew what to expect already. Did I want to die...yes...everysingle day...I wanted to just fall into a black hole and never come back. But you know what ...I'm still here. I never let myself sink as low as to attempt or actually I know I would have succeded in suicide. Death was never an option because it was a failure...I would not give up. I left there after 6 years because I knew that if I didn't I would have gone insane.

I've had people afraid of me...people who assume I could just snap them like a twig and I probably could. I wouldn't though because all of that stuff that happened in gradeschool taught me not to be cruel to people, to be accepting, to be forgiving,and some people might see that as weakness...but believe me...everyone needs that in some form.

I am way stronger than you assume girly. I have had tons of crud happen in my life and yet I'm still here...still rising above most of it as best I can. I would not change anything that has happened to me because it is part of who I am.

"And Casey? I would love to say get over it, help you in some way to overcome your complete lack of self-image... But that would mean I've overcome it. That and you don't accept anyone's help. AND it would be kinda bossy of me."

Lack of self-image? o-O the hell? I have a self-image...and a relatively good one actually. I am K.C. Zimmerman, I am 24 and I am an amazing substitute teacher, I have a flock of highschool students that for some odd reason or another love me, parents of these kids want to meet me because of what I can do, I teach well it comes naturally, I am one of the kinder and nicer people you will ever meet, I forgive relatively easily and even if it isn't easy I still try, I am good at doodling comics, I will sit there and listen to you when no one else will, I will be the one to stand next to you till the very end, I will be the one to lay down my life for a friend if necessary because I put others first, I love handing out hard candies because they really brighten peoples days, I am the one people come to/even strangers/ when they need someone to talk to about important things, I am proud of who I am but I am humble,I know that I am intelligent in several areas, I am proud of my parents and how they raised me ( mostly mum anyways),I am good with my hands, I am a full-figured person/obese/fat/whatever but you know what...that doesn't bother me all that much anymore, I am the person Geoff Chillcot loved to hug, I get randomly glomped by students, when I walk into a class room my name gets yelled out in joy because I teach but I let them have a little fun too, I can make balloon animals, I have very sensitive hearing, I know that if I would go and visit Bunneh I would get tackle-glomped, I love to read and collect old books,I have a very sick sense of humor...I can go on and on and on.
I know who I am, where I came from, and pretty much where I am going. I would not change any of what happened. I may occassionally complain about it but it is my normal, my life.

The sex thing...is in referance to everyone. Being a 24 year old virgin is nearly unheard of and most people assume that you want sex in a relationshhip. If I don't I must be nutz right? Nope...just eh it doesn't matter. Which makes me a complete freak in the eyes of the general American Public.

And actually...I do accept people's help occassionally. I guess I should have specified that...its hard but there are a few people in my life that I have learned to trust enough to talk to. They don't get everything...no one does...not even my therapist back when I went to one. Because it is mine...and there are some things that I can deal with just fine on my own.

M'dear...a bit of friendly advice. Don't assume things about people ya don't know very well. I'm sorry if I seem a bit rough on you. You are a good person who deserves to be loved and I am sure at some point you'll find a guy and it will be wonderful. One thing I know is true...if you don't love yourself you will be really hard to love...and I've learned this the hard way. I don't have all the answers either but this is definitly one area that only I can work on myself. No one else can help me in this area because it is so personal.

and so for me...the subject is dropped. No harm...no foul...I've expressed my opinion on it and hopefully have gotten some sort of point across in a manner that is not too terribly harsh...I hate being harsh...
Laters.
About this Entry
May. 25th, 2005 @ 11:22 am *she sits on the floor with her fingers tented in front of her face, as she stares at the wall*
Current Mood: tired/confused/stressed/fine
*she lets out a deep breath, then takes another; in through the nose for a count of six, holding for a count of seven, exhaling for a count of eight*...better...*she folds her hands in her lap and speaks quietly. Flashes of confusion, anxiety, stress are shown in her face as she talks* ...wheee...

So lots of things have been going on but I am not going to talk about all of them here because many of the things are private matters and this is a public forum. I am doing a little bit better healthwise although I do cough and am still pretty achey and tired most days. I don't really sleep well anymore. I try to get to bed at a resonable time but I can't fall asleep for at least an hour after I am in bed and then I have that "I can't move but I'm not asleep" mode. I have had weird and confusing dreams but I can't remember them when I wake up and that is odd; I always remember my dreams.

Last week while I was sick I did want to do work and such but took it kind of easy. Mum had me stay home on monday and tuesday because she didn't want me getting worse or getting something new. Matt kept on forcing me to nap which was actually kind of funny. He threated that he wouldn't talk to me anymore if I didn't take a nap...so I went because I didn't want that to happen. I like being able to talk to him...check up on him etc. Now how he would know whether or not I took a nap was beyond me but it was just nice having someone do that...care about that heh. And yes...I did nap...though I've cut that out of my day despite the fact that I probably could use one almost everyday...I think perhaps it messed up my sleep cycle or something *shrugs* I don't really know.

It's nice talking to Matt though...we had a couple of days to talk about all sorts of stuff and it was good. He tries to get me to talk more about my stuff but I don't...(huzzah for vagueness) because I just don't want to. Sometimes I just don't want to think about it anymore...ya know? If I say "nothing" he will keep asking me to tell him until I do...persistant little bugger. It's not like the others haven't tried to be helpful *points at Kim, Justin, Jesse* or that I have outright refused their help (okay...well...sometimes I do ^^;)its just that I have learned that it is better not to depend on people. Many of my friends in the past would high-tail it out of here whenever something would go on in my life. Now if they needed me they would be "*CLING* CASEY HELP ME!!11!!!" and so I would regardless of whether or not I got the same treatment from them as I had given, if I had a problem. I don't accept help because most of the time I do not need it. I deal with things on my own, have done that for years and so far it has worked out pretty well for me. I hate pity...I hate when people are like "Oh...poor Casey ::pat pat:: It will be okay ::pat pat::"...I don't need pity.

I also hate the fact that people do not take what I say at face value. If I say "I'm fine." then I probably am fine. I have varying degrees of fine and the range is quite wide...but the last thing I need is for people to act like " Ooo she must be depressed ::pat pat pat::"...so help me god if one more person doesn't accept the fact that I am what I say I am...I will smack them with a large rubber fish. Hard. Several Times. About the face and neck. S'alright?? S'alright.

People in my family are unwell and that is distressing to me. Hopefully things will go well and everyone will turn out healthy and such but if you haven't guessed by now I am a huge pessimist. I find it more to be a realistic outlook considering everything but I do admit I err on the side of the negative most of the time. Honestly...its just kind of easier if you expect the worse/nothing...because then you won't be disappointed quite so much...heh.

Kim's been asking me about my "love life" etc and I have told her I have none. Now don't get me wrong...I love my friends and am particularly fond of Bunneh...but as far as a love "like that"..nope. And no one has ever loved me like that either. I was looking over her journal and she complains about being an 18 year old virgin. Honey...chill. She's had people try and ask her out, flirt with her, be interested in her than more than a friend ( whether or not it was misguided is not the point). I've never been asked out on a date, never been kissed, never been hugged, never had any romance, no boyfriends, no flirting, no interest whatsoever in me. And I am 24. And when I say I've had none of those things I really mean it...its never happend. No one has ever asked me out or been intrested in me like that. I don't know if anyone ever will...sometimes I wonder if my physical apperance has anything to do with it. Bunneh seems to not have a problem with it but I have pretty much determined that Bunneh must be completely and totally insane to think so, and so Bunneh doesn't count. I don't act like a sterotypical fat person, I don't waddle when I walk, I try not to think of myself as a fat person but as Casey and all the things that entails one of which is being a big person. Sometimes when I am out and about I will see people that I know are larger than me but I assume that I am the same size as them. Its a thing I have that I am trying to get over as time goes on. I mean I work in a school full of teenagers...some of the cruelest beings on the planet and I have pretty much acchieved cult leader-like status with them. oh...Again back to the pity thing...don't want it...don't need it. If I am meant to have someone in my life in a romatic way...then I will...he'll show up eventually provided he isn't say..dead or something *chuckles to herself*.

She asked me about marriage...and I told her that I didn't want to get married or have kids ( though I might adopt a pack of 7 year olds [toilet trained, can reason and talk back, can be left alone for an hour, and are not likely to be adopted into a home because of their age]). She seemed shocked...she asked me if Bunneh and I would get married and I nearly fell off my chair laughing. Such an imagination that girl has. A head full of romance and happy endings *smiles* which I guess is a good thing to have. It's just not my particular cup of tea.

Personally I like having alone time...I do a lot of activities that do not require participation by another person. What I would like is someone to go to the movies with, take out to dinner, sit on the floor in my house and watch "The Stand" all the way through, someone to hug/be hugged by, someone who I can thwack with a twizzler if they are being a dork, someone who would rest their head on my lap ( Non-sexual way thank yew very much) while I gently pet their head & hum and have them fall asleep because they are so comfortable ( I'd like to be able to do that as well my head thier lap *nods*). It is a sign of trust and ultimate comforablness iwth another person to be able to fall asleep on them add onto the fact that I make a darned good pillow ( in both respects: I make hand sewn pillows that people love and am myself a pretty comfortable pillow *pokes squishy parts*). I have had someone fall asleep on me before ( NYC, Subway train from Brooklyn to the Bronx, Ed, Looong ride early in the am) and it was nice. It's not about sex for me...that I can pretty much live without for the moment. I guess the thing I am looking for is compaionship, a teensy bit of romance, and someone to have a deep connection with beyond friendship. *shrugs* oh well no worries...it will happen eventually...and if for some reason it doesn't. Well ...then...it doesn't. I am not going to get too stressed over it but I freely admit it is always in the back of my mind, floating around to periodically rear it's ugly head and make me feel like a complete dork at times.

*Yawns and rubs her forhead* I teach french today and then either we are going to go to see Grandpa or going to the Senior Banquet...perhaps both. Thursday is baccalaurete, Friday is graduation ( I get to go to those things as well even though I am just a sub. It should be nice *nods* and I'm glad I get to go and say goodbye to the kids *nod nod*. I sub again on Friday but I think tomorrow I will refuse to do anything so we can get water for the pool and get that up and running...it would be nice to be able to use it in June. It's only 4 feet deep but its cool and good excercise. Well I probably should get going...look over my lesson plans one more time then head to lunch. Hope you all have a good day...take it easy.

I'll write more later on tonight I think...
About this Entry
May. 16th, 2005 @ 09:58 pm *sighs softly and rubs her furrowed brow*
Current Mood: blank
Know You- By Kale Fisher

The biggest lie you ever told
Your deepest dear about growin' old
The loneliest night you ever spent
The angriest letter you never sent
The girl you swore you'd never leave
The one you kissed on New Year's Eve
The sweetest dream you had last night
Your darkest hour
Your hardest fight
I wanna know you inside out
I wanna dig down deep
I wanna loose some sleep
I wanna scream and shout
I wanna know you inside out
I wanna take my time
I wanna know you're mine
You know there ain't no doubt
I wanna know you inside out
The saddest song you ever heard
The most you said with just one word
The lonliest prayer you ever prayed
The truest vow you ever made
What makes you laugh
What makes you cry
What makes you mad
What gets you by
Your higest high
Your lowest low
These are the things I wanna know
About this Entry